Defying the cycle of thought…

Aesthetic 2

I guess I am the sort of person who knows what she likes when she experiences it. However, I am also the type of person who wants to know why. What is it that draws me back to a work time and time again? Why do I obsess over certain thoughts, ideas, books, plays, events? I do it, because I want to understand why certain things appeal to me. I want to understand my interests, my likes, my dislikes, the things that confuse me, test me, irritate me, make me want to jump up and down until my legs tire and collapse beneath me. I want to dissect something until I can identity all its parts and the purpose of those parts.

Once again, I realized how much I try to defy gravity. I want to make things light, but I also enjoy dwelling in the weight, working to understand its meaning. It is about the quest for me, the journey to defy the gravity. While working on the second part of this blog, I enjoyed picking apart one of my favorite books and being able to pinpoint what exactly makes this book so meaningful to me. And I think it is this: I want what the characters want. I desire what they desire. They want to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. They want their world to make sense again. They work hard to take away the weight, the burden of thought, the burden of responsibility.

My Sister’s Keeper deals a lot with the idea of lost innocence. The innocent bubble is popped early on in the lives of these characters. They come crash-crashing down to reality, and it is painful. However, they must still hope that there is something more. They must realize that they have a purpose, a voice. They also must realize how interconnected everything is, how tangled and messy their world has become. An action made by one will be felt by all. There is weight to every movement.

In creating my bloxes, I was forced to confront my own thoughts. I had to make “light” of them. This wasn’t so much about creating a blox that illustrated a feature of the novel, but creating something that illustrated a feature of me – the sorts of images or ideas I gravitate towards. It was about becoming “enlightened” on aspects of myself. I am forcing others to view my bloxes, but, really, it was about me popping my bubble, and immersing myself in the sticky mess. It was about me forcing myself to look at these bloxes and see a part of myself reflected back.

So what  is it that I saw? I saw someone very psychological. I saw a perfectionist. I saw someone who looked at the Light Blox and noticed how the white outline of the globe image is too white. It is about being tempted to go back and fix it even now, but forcing myself not to. I saw someone who understood the duality of human nature and the power of an image. However, I also saw someone who fixated a lot on things that had been lost or things that were missing or wrong. I dwelled in the messy, the uncomfortable, the confusing. This goes back to the idea that I try to make sense of the hard stuff. I try to defy the burden of confusion.

Another thing I noticed, was that I was very aware of perspective in my bloxes. I tried very hard to capture multiple perspectives and really embody a whole idea, and not part of one. I was aware of how a viewer might see my blox. I was aware of trying to keep a balance of perspectives – both the positive and negatives ones. As a psychology major, it doesn’t surprise me that I tried very hard to capture the entire mindset of the characters in this novel. And yet, as a perfectionist, I can’t help but think that I didn’t capture it all, though I do believe I did encompass a large portion of it. However, the nature of adaptation is that things will, and must, be cut.

Most of my bloxes involved layering and soft edges, giving the appearance of transparency. For me, I guess this embodied a sort of lightness. This was me saying that I have done the hard part – I took a dense and heavy book, and I made sense of it in a way that could be captured in this blox. I figured out what should be included and what shouldn’t. I sorted and organized and classified. I made “light” of so many things. Therefore, I wanted the images to appear almost weightless, I guess. I wanted them to be grounded within the confines of the box, but I wanted to show that it is possible to make sense of them.

As I am finishing up this blog now, I can’t help but think about how enlightening this experience has been. I feel light right now. It might be the lack of sleep and the fact that it is 3:00 in the morning, but I also think it has to do with the idea that I have come to many realizations. There is something freeing in knowing this. It feels like, maybe, I can fly up on that broomstick and defy gravity. I can take heavy ideas and make them light and understandable. Then I can ground them in an image for others to work with. My greatest hope is that others will look at these bloxes and come to their own conclusions. I want them to defy the temptation to simply glance at something. I want people to look at my bloxes and study them, dissect them, try to understand what I am trying to capture. Maybe I just want people to understand me and where I am coming from. But don’t we all?

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